Further on up the road there was a large puddle to which I washed my hands and drank out of but not in that order, the taste of muddy water makes me feel something, it was a tingly feeling I knew it wasn't a good feeling but it was a feeling none the less so I slurped away on it for a few moments. Often I would turn around a look at the open fields, some would have animals roaming in them others would be idle but I enjoyed looking at the fields, it was calming. There is a good and not so good effect to everything I done but I preferred to focus on the good it made me think better whereas the not so good effect didn't agree with my overall well-being.
The road had a bend on it up ahead which led to a house that I recognised, it was my home. The door was open so in I went and searched the house from top to bottom but I couldn't find her, where was she, I love her but she isn't here I don't understand. I was angry and in my rage I tossed over the table and threw around a few chairs , this always helped release my anger so I didn't see why I shouldn't do it. I left the house in search for her I mean she wouldn't have gotten far, not in that wheelchair!!
The wind was getting stronger and all that was on this long endless road were a few cars that had crosses on them almost like they had their own little cool gang, they bothered me how they would drive slowly. Things were starting to seem familiar , the bushes I walked by seemed like ones I said hello to before and even the drop of rain felt like it had dropped on my head at this exact moment of time before, it was like a crazy messed up deja-vu. My thoughts were becoming more muddled and frantic, the voices started happening.
Sweat started to pour from my body, my hands had got really clammy all of a sudden and everything started to seem so fake as if it was a dream but it felt so real. I just wanted to see her and tell her i'm sorry that my angers takes over and when it does I am not in control of what I do the voice is and as much as I don't wanna do them things he says it will be much worse if I don't, so really mum I did what I did to save you, can you forgive me? This is what I wanna say to her , she will understand I know it.
There was a shop at the end of the road, I wanna go in but I don't want people to see me in this state of panic and I can feel the noise taking me over. The person standing at the door of the shop made me nervous, why is that person laughing at me? I was offered sweets, one blue and one yellow, I took them suspiciously, I just hated the person looking at me it was like that human knew everything about me, ugh just look at it standing there in their white coat smirking. I didn't wanna go in so kept my distance from the person , I have met people like that before and the voice in my head warns me of them.
The person asked did I see her, I didn't answer. It pointed into the shop saying "she is in here come look, all the answers you need are in here", I raced in expecting to see her but again I was disappointed by the expectation. I felt a sharp poke in my neck and suddenly everything was getting drowsy until I...I....I.....I........
The person who led Jimmy inside was Dr. Shepard, an expert in Oneirology. Jimmy had been asleep for over a few hours now and all of what he explained never actually happened, this of course was all part of his dreams and was his subconscious talking to us so he is injected with a drug to help him recall a traumatic event that happened, this was when he severely killed his own mother but he cannot remember how he did it or why. In his dreams he mentions a voice telling him to do so which is caused by his schizophrenia but it is the how part that remains a mystery, every night he gets to the part about meeting Dr.Shepard and goes insides and wakes up.
Never can he find his mom and tell her that he thought he was saving her, this is believed to be what is blocking out his memory of what he done to her so when he finds her then the Doctor will be able to conclude what he did. Every morning when Jimmy wakes he has no idea what is going on around him and thinks that these are his normal dreams, he thinks he works as a caretaker in the hospital as this was his job on the outside but in an old folks home, it is thought this technique will relax his brain a bit more.
The funny thing is that Jimmy's mum passed away from a terrible spinal injury when he was a newborn and never actually talked to her but on the bed every night he remains trapped into this idea that he brutally killed her so when he wakes he lives this lie of a life. Jimmy's dad remarried before he also passed away but in his will he wrote that his new wife would get the house only if his son also lived there so they both were bound to the house. Oh and yeah Jimmy's stepmom was a psychiatric nurse called Dr.Shepard....
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